Journal of a crossdreamer

The predicament of so many crossdreamers and autogynephiliacs around us - the crisis regarding one's identity, the conflict with one's sexuality and the contradictions regarding sexual fantasies. These are things many of us live with, for as long as we can remember, and as we age, the problems only amplify making it worse. It always feels great to find a compatriot who can lucidly express his feelings which closely resembles ours. Coming out is hard to do, but not knowing coming out of what and into what is even harder. Here I present to you an excerpt from a beautifully written piece by a fellow crossdreamer. The link to the original post can be found below. Read on... I am sure that you'll think that you're reading a page from your own diary.

" I'm biologically 
    male and am all in all 

    confident and comfortable with my 

    gender, except when it comes 

   to sex

I can only turn myself on by imagining  c 

myself as a woman. . . since I was 12 I've had  c 

sexual fantasies of inhabiting a female body  c

                                                                                                                                                               "

Since I was 12 I've had sexual fantasies of inhabiting a female body. This desire ebbs and flows, it is not consistent, I do not find myself desiring to be a female for the most part of my waking  consciousness, and neither do I feel out of place in my male body. I cannot, however, become sexually aroused unless I imagine myself as a female - even during the brief sexual encounters I've had in my life, for most of them I could only turn myself on by imagining myself as a woman, and having lesbian sex with my partner. I of course, did not tell her this - and for contiguous reasons, the relationship did not last very long; I was scared of intimacy.

The fantasies follow a simple formula. I'm a beautiful woman - perfect - an ideal object of desire. It's a narcissistic vision: The purpose of becoming a woman is not so that I can be penetrated, if I imagine that it is simply to enhance my femininity, and thus my status as an object of desire. Simply the image of a woman masturbating on a bed, or caressing her own body, or even the fantasy of men magically transforming into women, and enduring the physical change from male to female, is enough to turn me on (websites such as www.tgcomics.com or movies like 'Dr Jeckyll and Ms Hyde' are examples of this fantasy - check them out). I ejaculate to these fantasies. Ordinary heterosexual porn isn't enough for me to form a desire to ejaculate to - and furthermore the sensation of masturbation, of the rubbing and caressing of the penis, in my mind is not attached to the reality of penetration, of my penis inhabiting a receptacle - instead, during masturbation the sensation is associated in my mind as the sensation of what a woman feels during the sexual act. 

---------------------------------------------------------

mirror. . .

when I look at this woman I have an irresistible urge to fashion myself the same way... yes I am male. of course I am male.

but ladies and gentlemen look at the person in the picture... apart from her face is there any other part in her body that a man can not emulate or possess? I guess not... she is not showing cleavage... she is not flaunting a huge bust or hip... she is tender elegant and exquisite...

yes. a saree looks drab without a certain bulge in the chest... but a man can very well create that bulge!!! you say that's artificial? but so are body piercings or any other accessories for that matter... just like pins and buttons and seams in the right places keep a shirt/suit/jacket in the right shape, so will an artificially created bulge keep a blouse in the right place, adding to the aesthetic value.

say, I have collarbones and a narrow shoulder to match that of a woman... I am slender and my waist smoothly bulges giving way to a perky firm buttock. so I can very well go to a salon tomorrow, get all my body and facial hair removed... trim my eyebrows curl my lashes... get a skin treatment and a hair treatment, and walk down any road confident and beautiful in the same setup as this lady.

BUT CAN I ?

A little bit of this and a litle bit of that...

so... you get all excited by thinking of yourself as a woman, with perfect breasts, a smooth body, clean shaven armpits(oh yes, I have a thing for armpits), a deep as a crevice cleavage, sporting a sizzling sleeveless dress as you walk down the streets, to the admiration of the lot around you. Don't you?

of course you do... otherwise you wouldn't have been here... if you disagree then you are just in denial. Everyone, and I mean everyone with some thinking capacity and some aesthetic sense wants to possess a gorgeous body and wear beautiful and sexy clothes showing off their curves and their skin(a lot of it).

BUT does everyone desire to be a fully functional woman? As for me, NO. I have always been attracted to(the bodies of) men creating the illusion of femininity, cross dressers, drag queens or transvestites, my fantasies involve crossdressers who retain something which was a quintessential part of their male self... If I go out in drag, I'll proudly sport my adam's apple, or a beard even...that adds to the appeal of it... like this gorgeous drag queen 'Ongina'... her greatness comes from 

her baldness (btw bald women are cool too) ... this mixing of traits... this androgynous appearance is 'sexy'... it is THE SEXY... it is about blurring the lines... mixing and matching... and that my dear genderqueers is what style is all about... signing off with this great pic of Conchita Wurst for you.... oh and care to weigh in ???

An invitation...

some of you may or may not recollect memories of my time in tumblr, memories of the blog 'other side of the line'... after dumping it over 6-8 months back(in retrospect: one of the stupidest decisions in this person's small lifespan), a lot has transpired... now I'll be broadening my horizon... from posting exclusively on androgyny(which was the motif of my last tryst with blogging), I'll be moving to a more general arena... from captions to stories, from news to discussions.... feel free to jump into the bandwagon as we, who are on the 'other side of the line' move farther away from it... let's celebrate and cherish our fantasies and transgressions...   let's blur the lines once more... let the gynandromorphophiles, the autogyne/androphiles, the transgenders and the members from all parts  of the LGBTQ spectrum come together and party... cheerio...